Intimacy after Cancer

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Sex after Cancer
A Quality of Life Issue
Use Your Imagination
Make the Time
Additional Resources for Healthcare Providers
Upcoming Events
Specialized Lingerie

As Dr. Leslie Schover, a leading expert says, sex is all about being alive, while cancer often makes you think of pain and death. But, for those of us who have lived through a cancer diagnosis and treatment, sexuality represents the "elephant in the room" that often goes unmentioned. Your doctors work hard to make you healthy again, and you do your best to cope with the surgery and treatment, but how many people think about the quality of your life after cancer when you are deciding which treatment to have?

More importantly, how many of us talk about our sex life at all with our doctors? And I am not just talking about those of us who have had cancer. A few of us may discuss our sex life with our gynecologist if we are really having problems. But, how many of us are too shy or embarrassed to talk about sex with anyone, except maybe our partner? A whole bunch of us. Imagine (or remember) you are talking with your doctor about treatment options to overcome a potentially fatal disease you have just been diagnosed with....now, how many of us will discuss how our sex life be affected? Not many. Hopefully, you will have a sensitive, caring doctor who will raise the issue. I did. I was fortunate. But who is even thinking about sex when your life is on the line?

Sexuality an important quality of life issue. If you survive cancer, as the majority of women do, you will be thinking about this sooner or later, if you value this part of your relationship. In terms of breast cancer alone, approximately one woman in eight will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point in their lives, and the majority will survive.

Tamoxifen and other medications that reduce the chances of recurrence of cancer may also diminish sex drive. Surgery and chemotherapy can also induce early menopause, bringing with it a number of physical and emotional changes that can affect sexual functioning. What are the options for a woman who wants to have an intimate relationship with her partner but is still recovering from the side-effects of all her treatments? How can she look forward to sex with her partner when it can really hurt, even causing her skin to tear?

Your sex life can be as good or even better than it was before cancer. It will take time and effort but, there may be everything to gain.

I had breast cancer four years ago, and only one doctor mentioned changes in my ability to enjoy my sex life. I had to find out for myself how to overcome the sexual issues caused by my cancer treatment in order to return to a happy, fulfilling married life. These are concerns are not limited to people recovering from cancer. Many of these challenges effect woman dealing with the effects of menopause.

The largest sexual organ is the brain. This is where you need to start when you want to rekindle your sex drive. You need to learn to think in such a way that helps you believe, first, that you are a special, attractive person, who loves your new body (regardless of how it now looks,) who accepts the "new normal," in your life, and wants to live life to the fullest. You don't just want to survive cancer, you want to thrive after it!

And you need to schedule time, time just for you and your partner. This is very important. When you first fell in love, and your hormones were going crazy, what did you do when you wanted to be with this wonderful person all the time? You made yourself look your best, and looked forward spending time together, without any distractions. After all, what else was more important? Now, fast forward some years. It's probably not quite the same any more. If you are overcoming the effects of cancer, or dealing with a diminishing libido as a result of menopause, it's more important than ever to make time to be together, to even go on "dates," again, in order to rekindle your passion.

You may need to learn about how to minimize discomfort that can arise when enjoying intimacy. You may have to learn how to express your love differently if "typical" sex becomes too painful. But don't give up hope too easily. You may need, first, to find out for yourself what is sexually pleasing to you now, and then share it with your loved one. There are physical and psychological components to returning to a fully satisfying life with your partner. I had to learn them, and I know you can too. You deserve to reclaim ALL aspects of your life after overcoming cancer.

If you are a healthcare provider, support group leader, social worker, or someone who works with cancer survivors, there may be additional "Intimacy After Cancer," resources available to you. Please contact us and let us know your needs, the nature of your work, and how we can best work with you to get you and your group the information they need.

Stay tuned for upcoming events in future editions of this newsletter.

Check out Nottiwear, which features lingerie designed and created by Ann Silverstone, a breast cancer survivor and social worker. You can choose from a variety of prints in a full range of sizes from "extra small" to "large and beautiful." This is not a paid advertisement, so if you know of heroes such as Ann, or products such as Nottiwear, that might be featured in this newsletter, please do let us know.

There are many women, and couples, out there who are not living a satisfying intimate life because they don't have the answers and are afraid to ask the questions. Intimacy After Cancer: A Woman's Guide provides many solutions and alternatives to recharging your love life and more importantly, to helping you understand that you are a loved and desirable woman. The book is now available. You can order your copy now. The cost is $14.95 plus shipping and handling. If you need more information, please contact us at info@intimacyaftercancer.com

Body Image after Cancer.

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